Okay, I’ll admit it. The amazingly awesome, but still roughish, sex made me fall fast for him. I think he opened up a side of my sexuality I never knew I had.
Photo by Thomas Tucker on Unsplash
Ok, I know. I’m late on this one but the day got away from me yesterday but it’s here. Check out Day 3-ish. Wait…if you missed Day 2, go catch up here.
The Season for Living: Part III
Cameron Michaels was the roughest mistake I’ve ever made. Not the worst but absolutely rough. He was like climbing a cactus then sliding down a dried out 150-year old creek. And still some how I wanted to love him.
Okay, I’ll admit it. The amazingly awesome, but still roughish, sex made me fall fast for him. I think he opened up a side of my sexuality I never knew I had. It was like trying to tame a wild horse, no more like riding the oldest wooden roller-coaster at Six Flags. Yeah, like that – bumpy the entire way but exhilarating by the end.
Sex was blinding though. I thought the way he threw me around the bedroom meant that he actually cared about me. Maybe even that he wanted a relationship. Sure, we spent only six hours a day together, and it was normally at night. And when we spoke in the daytime it was only through text but he’s a busy man. He was a security guard, driver and bouncer, and that was just Monday through Friday.
We didn’t go out but we watch shows and movies when he came over before the rodeo began. In those six hours, he made me feel wanted, like I was worth his time and love. He was my first true lover without the love. I’m lying again. I did love him. I just didn’t know he didn’t love me until I said it on night forty-six, when he finally invited me to his apartment.
We were laying there, sweaty and exhausted and the timing seemed perfect, so I said it. It just fell out onto the pillow and he said nothing. Our musk was sweet to me but then it seemed like he didn’t care for it anymore. He got up and went to the shower. He’d never done that before. I’m sure he showers afterwards but it had to be after I left.
I knew I had done something wrong but I hoped it was just my anxiety. He was in there for what felt like an hour and I got the hint. I got my clothes on, took my phone off the charger and waited for a little while longer at the bedside. He didn’t come out. I knocked on the door and said “I’m about to go.”
He said, “Okay. Cool.” Cool it wasn’t but whatever. I never heard from him again. It was a great lesson for me though. Through the tears and minor heartache, my soul learned that sex doesn’t equate to love. At least not for me. Oh, and it taught me never to say “I love you” before him. Never. Ever.
So, I totally get why Cade was holding back. You have to, at least until she tells him what he needs to hear.
“I get it man,” I finally responded. I totally get it and he’s definitely on the right track. I hope she doesn’t disappoint him. He’s a good guy and he deserves real love.
To be continued tomorrow…okay really later tonight. 🙂