I’m going to lie, when I started this challenge, I was a bit cocky. I thought it would be easy to knock out 12 days straight of writing. Not so much but I’m going to continue to give it a go. You’re getting a double dose today–Day 8 and 9. Catch up on Day 7-ish and earlier post here before you start reading.
The Season for Living: Part VIII
The first snowflake of winter sat quietly on my window sill, taking in the chill from the air and its single moment alone. For once, the meteorologist got it right. They predicted our first snow storm months ago but only cold rain fell. Today they nailed it as I watch other snowflakes join the first one.
Watching them move in on my balcony calmed my mind for a moment. I sat and watched. Watched and waited and hoped. I hoped that the storm would bring in more than just snow, hopefully it would bring in some clarity about what I should do about Cade and his declaration.
I’ve gone through so many emotions in one phone call. First jealously, then curiosity, now confusion and I all really want is clarity.
I remember thinking about Cade in a romantic way when I first met him. With a hue as bronze as his and eyes as clear as the sunset, it’s hard not to be infatuated at first sight. We first met on the corner of Maple and Simon Street. I was there with a friend and he was walking up with a mutual friend. We couldn’t be older than 15—maybe even 16—and he was gorgeous in my young eyes.
But I knew my homegirl was digging him seeing that she damn jumped on him when he was close enough. They exchanged numbers and that was it. We would forever be best friends. Me and my girls had a solid and forever rule to never date an ex. And he soon became an ex, and then me and her grew distant. Not because of him, but because I had to grow up and go to college. She was cool with staying in the same place with the same people and trying to get a job right out of high school. I respected that as much as I hope she respected my decision to go away to college.
Ironically me and him ended up at college together but I knew about their relationship and just let friendship be enough. Sure, there were a few drunken nights where things could have gone another way but it couldn’t. We wouldn’t. Friendship over lust. Now I have to choose between friendship and love. I don’t want to lose my friend.
The Season for Living: Part IX
The snow layered and layered as I stared at the phone. I want to call Cade back but I’m not sure I have the right words yet. I move from my bed downstairs to the kitchen. I’ll focus on feeding myself and maybe something will hit me.
It’s getting late so if I’m going to call him back, I need to do it soon before his shift is over. Hopefully he’s not busy yet. I pick up the phone and begin dialing. Then I stop. Not yet.
I opened the cabinet and pull out a box of cheerios and milk from the fridge. Evening breakfast always makes me feel better. I plop down on the stool at the island and look out the window.
The sun has set but the rays have the sky glowing under the snowfall. It’s beautiful. Sipping the milk off the spoon, I looked around my empty apartment and reminisce on the last time Cade was over.
He brought over Chinese food and we sat and watched like three basketball games together. We argued about who was the best player and laughed at the worst ones. He almost made me spit out food at one of his jokes. He’s a pretty funny guy. That day he was in jeans, some shirt and a fresh cut. I love when a man gets a fresh cut, so I remembered his vividly; wavy and smooth. He looked nice. Nothing out of the ordinary but cute. He has always looked cute in some way.
Like when he smiles, the dimple on his left cheek peaks out. Or when he’s trying to be serious and his eyebrow furrow just like the Grinch. He can never hold it either; he’s such a softy.
Okay, so maybe I like him more than I think.
Oh yeah, even before the last time he was here, I remember when he came over just to talk. It was after his dad passed. It was a rough time but he did his best to get through it but when he came over that time, he cried and I was happy to be there for him.
I hugged him right as he was leaving and apparently, he needed it more than I knew. He didn’t break down, he just embraced his sorrowed and quietly let tears flow. I’m glad I was there with him. I’d never seen him like that before and haven’t seen him like that since. He told me soon after that he had never cried in front of another woman other than his mother. I was honored and felt so much love for him in that moment. Love for our relationship…I mean our friendship.
I mean, I guess there are times when this feels more like a relationship than just a friendship. I need to know when me makes it home safely each night, but that’s because of his job. He always comes over when I’m not feeling well, even when my cramps have me down and out. He never asks what’s wrong other than is it my stomach or a cold. That’s enough for him.
And we care so much for each other. We damn near know everyone each other’s family. He comes to my reunions and I go to his. He comes over for the holidays and I’ve even vacation with his family in the summer time.
It’s like we’ve been in a relationship and I didn’t even know it. No, I didn’t realize it. If this is what a relationship is, then I can do it.
I scrap my spoon on the bottom of the bowl. I’m full of food and of clarity.
To be continued tomorrow…